


Red Giant

by shellalana



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Arena fights, Cybernetics, Death, Developing Relationship, Drug Addiction, Fighting, Gen, Violence, Withdrawal, bandit king, mentions of urine and bodily fluids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-12 02:05:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12948966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shellalana/pseuds/shellalana
Summary: Suffering from the effects of eridium withdrawal of a daily basis, Lilith goes on a search to find a cure for her addiction. Little does she know that the solution she's found comes with a price. Will it end up being more than she bargained for?





	1. Collapse

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to thirtysixsavefiles (http://thirtysixsavefiles.tumblr.com/) and yourchaoswitch (http://yourchaoswitch.tumblr.com/) for being beta readers for me. And also thank you to the wonderful desperado-raspado (https://desperado-raspado.tumblr.com/) and guzm-a (http://guzm-a.tumblr.com/) for the beautiful art you guys did for my fic. I'm going to treasure them forever!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nightmare shocks some sense into Lilith as to her life choices. She sets out looking for answers.

 

 

_When a star gets too hot for too long, it starts to burn itself out. That's when it begins to swell and cool, until it's no longer able to sustain itself. Collapse is the inevitable end..._

 

Heat had always been her thing, but this fever was something else entirely. She always got the worst kind of hangover after using that purple rock. Which was saying a lot, given the recent alcohol-filled celebration for taking out the Destroyer. Even Pierce was being more jovial these days. But that had led to more than just finding a lovely pile of guns and coming into a lot of money. The event had split the planet apart in a ragged seam of exposed eridium, the unearthing of something far more precious than any of them could have bargained for. The look of it alone was enticing, but Lilith felt the draw of it the first time she'd laid eyes on it. There had been a whisper of temptation, a tugging on her very essence that had forced her to take on the addiction. It made her feel useful, powerful, and closer to the reasons behind her very existence.

But its absence always left her wanting more, hollowing her out more and more after each taste. It was no concern on her part. The mineral was plentiful, and all she needed was to refill the void that was left behind.

If only her head didn’t hurt so much after each hit.

"Tough night?" The ex-Atlas soldier’s chastisement sent a jolt of pain behind her eyes. Turning the lights on sent another, and she dragged the flattened pillow over her head, grumbling in pain. Getting up this early in the morning was no longer necessary with their victory and the loot they'd acquired. An early retirement was definitely in order, and this wasn't the best way to start it. Not with them arguing over her habits.

She gestured for him to go away with a flailing arm, hoping he would take the hint. The routine they'd developed over the past few months was no longer necessary - no need to take roster or help civilians or travel the morning route to make sure everything was safe. This was their time to relax and reap the rewards of everything they'd done so far. Roland, on the other hand, wasn't so easily swayed by the promise of an easy life. With the drilling of Atlas regimen into his bones and mind, it was difficult for him to break old habits, just as she was coming to appreciate her new ones.

Not even the annoying cimplaints of one Siren were going to get him to break, even if she _could_ set him on fire. He had learned of her boundaries well enough, knew when to back off and when to push her buttons. Now was not one of those times to leave her to sleep, not when he saw the glittered spray of purple across the middle of her palm. He snatched at her wrist violently, turned it over, and dropped it like it carried the plague. LIlith heard his snort of disgust as he whirled around to head back to the door.

Shit.

"Roland, I-"

"Cut the crap, Lilith. I don't want to hear it. We talked about this, and you still went ahead with it anyway."

"Don't you start. I'm not a _child_ , Roland." She squinted painfully at his retreating form, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, but not quite finding the solid ground that should be there. "I didn't ask for a babysitter."

"No, you asked for a boyfriend, And yet, you don't want anyone to worry about you. You can't have it both ways." He stopped, and she could see his fists clenching at his sides, hear the shift of the fabric as knuckles dug against them. How many times had he held her with those same hands and told her everything was going to be alright? Too many for her to count. Too many to even remember, not with the current state of her mind.

"I can have it any damn way I please." The more she tried to stand, the lower she sank to the floor. Only it was no longer a floor; the ugly lavender light that danced behind her eyes had replaced it, hummed and stuttered with each attempt to stand. It twisted and spun, seemingly swallowing at her toes, eager to have more of her to satisfy its appetite.

"No. You can't. You made your choice, and look where that left you." She could feel his voice start to twist with the swirling purple mass, to deepen and resonate within her head instead of in her eyes. He turned impossibly slow to face her, and the more she saw of his face, the more she wished she hadn't. Skeletal white bone and an empty eye socket stared back at her, and half of his teeth were bared in a cruel and horrific grin. The other side of his face remained mostly intact, save for the purple that slowly took over the white of his sclera. It originated from the hole that had suddenly appeared in the middle of his chest, gaping and _mocking_ her.

Lilith sat upright with a dull ache in her chest, and had to remind herself how to breathe. Like a bad case of heartburn, hot fingers massaged at the spot between her clavicles in an attempt to tame the pain into submission. Slowly, it subsided, and the heat behind her eyes receded with it. Breathe from the stomach, she’d seen on one of those stupid meditation videos, fill herself with cool fresh air from the bottom up until she was full. The first breath was a struggle, her diaphragm having different ideas, but it, too, eventually decided to cooperate.

That was the first time she’d ever been exposed to such a nightmare, and she wasn’t eager to repeat it again. Not if it meant seeing his face like that again. Not if it meant hearing his chastising words, how much of a disappointment she was. She’d had enough of that in her teenaged years.

She rolled out of bed and wiped away the cool moisture on the back of her neck, her hair clinging to it like a lover desperate for attention. A blast of cool morning air brushed her skin in passing of her room window, and calmed away her nausea. A peek into the slightly-cracked bathroom mirror revealed that she wasn’t looking too well either. Not that it mattered; there was no one out here that gave a damn.

She’d been living in this “home” of hers for almost a week now, out in the ice and surrounded by bandit camps that were completely unaware of her presence. All the better. As much as she’d like to singe them alive to better her mood, it would ruin her plans of staying undercover… as well as recovering. Her deep secret after opening the Vault, the draw of the eridium and how it made her brain itch. Tantalizing. Addictive. She wanted more - wanted to know more - but knew she couldn’t go off on her own to find the answer.

… or could she? Out here, she wasn’t under the scrutinizing thumb of Roland, Mordecai or Brick. Out here, she could be her own woman - or more of one, she never had a penchant for rules - and decide what she did and when she did it. And it was about time she took a personal stake in her own well-being instead of catering to the interests of the common folk.

Common folk… mere peons. She was better than them all.

A sudden headache arrested her thoughts, and she threw cold water on her face to chase it away. She attributed it to more withdrawal, and that meant before she headed out, she was going to have to find more rock to take with her. Just a sliver would do, since she wasn’t going very far.

She’d found this cave not too long ago, back when she and the others were still scoping out the area around Sanctuary to see what was what and who could be counted as friends (answer: no one). But the chill winds had felt great on her skin that first day, and she’d been drawn to this place ever since. Sure, the place was littered with bandits,many of whom wouldn’t mind flaying her alive and adding her skin to their tattered capes, but the way the light danced off the surrounding ice walls, the quiet of it all… it helped to calm her thoughts, even while she set their enemies on fire.

And it was here that she used to escape from their scrutinizing eyes when she was having another episode, her use of eridium kept under tight wraps until she could get away. Part of it felt unfair, that they were sharing so much of themselves with her, and she kept this secret of hers buried. But she preferred it this way; she would always be an “other,” not quite human. And her purpose? They couldn’t help with that either.

She was going to need find more eridium, and fast. But she couldn’t just leave without settling her affairs. She only hope she wasn’t catching him at a bad time. She dialed in his private Echo frequency and turned the volume down; she didn’t need the surrounding bandits to hear her conversations. A click told her the connection had been made.

“Mordy?”

There was static, then the sound of a bottle rolling across the floor. The intoxicated sniper groaned before responding with a slurred “yeah?”

“I’m gonna be gone a few days, and I don’t need Roland knowing.”

He groaned again, obviously unhappy with the task placed in his lap. If there was one thing he hated, it was being in the middle of their… whatever it was they had.

“Again? How long?” he slurred again, and Lilith swore she heard the shuffling of another body nearby. Her curiousity piqued.

“Is that Moxxi…?”

“I asked how long,” he reminded her, wanting to keep her on task. She knew better, that the sniper enjoyed keeping his business to himself. Yet, she couldn’t help but wonder…

“Couple of days. Few weeks at most.”

“And you want me to tell him… what?”

“Nothing.”

“Lil, he’s gonna ask. And I’m not gonna make up some shitty lie on your account.”

“So don’t tell him anything. It’s not the first time I’ve disappeared.”

“Yeah, and he’s gotten pissed every time.”

“Roland doesn’t get pissed…” she commented with an eye roll. Their leader was about as tame as a pussycat.

“When it comes to you, he does.”

“Huh.”

“Don’t “huh” me, Lil. Some of us’re gettin’ tired of all the shit you keep pullin.”

“Hey, don’t complain about how I play the game. Why do you even care?”

She heard Mordecai growl under his breath before there was an audible click.

“... he did _not_ just hang up on me…” She would have been more pissed if she hadn’t her self-assigned task to take care of. Tucking her Echo into her back pocket, she arranged her hair into something more put-together, grabbed a few wrapped fist-sized chunks of eridium off her shelf, and phasewalked past the bandits towards her remedy.

The Fast Travel whisked her away to warmer temperatures, and the sudden change coated her skin in condensation. An unpleasant feeling, given the fever she was already running. The bandits back “home” had nothing to offer, but the pockets of camps out here in the desert were more forthcoming with their stashes. She’d heard talk of a woman, a leader of many who’d gotten into the trade of eridium, mining it for herself and selling it to the local population. Gun manufacturers and addicts alike wanted the stuff, to deepen their pockets or whisk their minds away to unreachable places. She only have to wait for a convoy and strike.

She tugged up her hood and tied the black bandanna over the lower part of her face - made it more difficult to identify who she was - before she made her way up the sharp ravine. The vantage point was spectacular, and was rich with cooler, sandless winds that would keep her mind focused. Despite the hiding of her face, her actions had already built a reputation, had forced those with enough guns to stock up even more to protect their wares. But not all the armament on the planet could do a thing against a woman barely there, trapped between dimensions. Bullets meant nothing.

She felt her lips parting in a smile as she saw a convoy trudging along over a sand dune. Time to go to work.

Lilith closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. Deep inhale for seven, out for eleven, wipe away the nausea, and be aware of her body. Her fingers, her toes, ever muscle fibre, all the way down to her individual atoms. Phasewalking was a natural part of her, but when she was suffering like this, she had to keep herself together in the only way she knew how.

She felt a pop in her mind, like a single firework, and then she was gone.

To the outside world, anyway. In this other-realm of hers, it was much more colourful and animated, the energies flowing around her in waves and outlining the lifeforms around her. Beneath the sand, she could see the faint images of a pack of spiderants, a mother possibly bringing a kill back to her brood. The black outlines of the dead prey were stark in comparison, almost like a black hole in her vision, eating up all the light.

And then there was light; within the hull of the transport vessel, she saw the eridium, like mini-suns in her vision. Hypnotic tendrils of light seemed to sense her presence and reached out to her, and she could do nothing but allow herself to be pulled in. She felt the truck pass through her, their atoms passing through hers, until she finally released her control. Flames burst forth from her re-entry into this realm, baking and setting aflame the other guards inside.

The dull whoomph of her fire always brought a smile to her face, as did the surprised screams that followed. No one could stop her, no one could order her around. She was a goddess among men.

“Fire!”

Those who hadn’t been burned alive raised their guns and sent round after round into her ethereal form. Returned again to the ether, she watched as bullets ricocheted off metal and sank themselves into the flesh of their targets. Stupid. Always so stupid.

Her balance was soon akilter as the vehicle rocked itself to a stop, the commotion of their cargo raising red flags for the driver. She didn’t have long before they’d throw the doors open and repeat the whole process over again, nor did she have the energy left to perform another burst of phasewalk. So instead, she waited by the door, hunched down on her hands and knees, and lunged at the first person she saw once the back was opened. The man yelled in surprise, his gun thankfully forgotten and dropped, as she balled her fists up in the leather of his vest. The usual bandit stink of sweat and grease covered him as she shoved him to the ground and pressed her knee to his chest to keep him there.

“How about you tell me where this is going, huh?” Lilith blew a few strands from off her cheek, trying her best to look pleasant. The alternative would have him screaming like the others before they’d been turned into ash. “Vallory?”

“N-no! New guy!”

“Bandit?”

“No, some big wig, dresses all nice and shit! Got this fancy lab and-”

Lilith quickly removed herself from him as she felt the sudden warmth against her leg. The smell told her he’d pissed himself.

“Scientist, huh? I’ll think about not setting you on fire if you tell me where this shipment was going.”

“T-t-t-tetanus Heights. P-p-past the quarry. G-guy you’re l-looking for goes by the name of Heigl.” The bandit rolled over and hugged his knees to his chest in a useless attempt to hide his piss-stained pants.

As much as Lilith would have enjoyed to drill him for more info, his flubbering convinced her that she wasn’t going to get any more out of him. It was time to do some legwork.


	2. Carbonization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith finds Tetanus Heights and the bandit in charge of this thriving town.

Tetanus Heights. She’d never heard of such a place before, which meant it wasn’t listed on any Fast Travel station. The quarry itself was way out there, too far to even drive from where she was. Thankfully, there was such a station nearby, to make it easier for those interested in trying their hands at eridium mining themselves. Stupid idea, in her book; a bunch of pickaxes and less than a handful of trucks wasn’t going to be profitable for anyone. Not counting the fuel, the man hours, and the tools that were probably rusted to hell, the fumed spewing out of the ground would taken down even the healthiest of Goliaths. She’d never been brave enough to see what they would do to a Siren - she had enough nausea and headaches to battle on her own - but she no longer had the choice.

A spike of fever halted her in her tracks, paused her hand in the choosing of her destination. The blue light atop the Fast Travel pulsed impatiently, waiting for her to make her decision. It started to waver, swimming in her vision until gloved hands gripped tightly to its edges. She could hear the fading and growing hum of the light as it continued its mindless beat: On. Off. On. Off. It was starting to make her sick, made her question the sanity of her decision. Judgmental in its examination of her choice.

“Lil... what’re you doing...”

_Roland._

She shut her eyes and gritted her teeth against the voice behind her. She had to tell herself he wasn’t there, that this was just another illusion... until she felt the warm, scarred fingers curling around her shoulder. Almost hot against her clammy skin, she dug her heels in and refused to turn around.

“Come back home.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you. You’re not-”

“I’m what you need.” The grip tightened, traced the swirls and dots along her arm, curled around her wrist and tried to pry it away.

“I don’t need anyone!” She turned and flared with dying fire, the burst incinerating and glassing the sand beneath her feet. The touch was gone. There was no one there. She chanced a glance at the slick mirrored surface beneath her feet, and scowled at her reflection.The usual orange-yellow flow of her eyes and tattoos were tinged with a sick purple, dulling the colour. That glow alone had scared away many a bandit, long before they felt the heat from her fingers. Her skin was pale, her hair clung to her forehead and cheeks, and she looked like she hadn’t eaten in a week. The image she saw was not one she reveled in, not the reflection of an all-powerful Siren capable of cutting down anyone and everyone she chose. Instead, she saw a sick feral out of control of the very thing that gave her life, the only real possession she could call her own that no one could take from her. And she was losing it.

The sight made her want to scrub herself clean, find a stand selling skag jerky, and take a much needed nap. But she had no bed or shower to provide her with any solace; just the sand, warm breezes, and the Fast Travel ready to take her to her destination.

Now or never. No going back.

The keypad before her blurred in and out as she scrolled through the digital listings on the screen until she found... there it was! The quarry.

One would have thought it would have been blessed with an interesting name by now, but no one person or bandit camp had deemed it fit to claim. “The quarry” sufficed; there was no guessing at its purpose or what lay there. Simple. If only everything else on this damned planet could be that way.

Another trip through the digital realm of the Echonet should have been no problem, but the fever dream had taken its toll on her, leaving her senses a mess when she was spat out on the other side. An attempt to try and right herself, to phase the rest of the way, had the Fast Travel ejecting her upside down. Falling onto her back knocked the wind out of her, kicking up a small cloud of dark dust in the process.

It smelled musty here, like a fresh wind hadn’t been by in centuries. The scent made Lilith sneeze as she clambered first onto her knees, and then her feet. In the distance she could see a towering blackness with the sun just behind it, and at the base, a smattering of tiny lights.

Despite the solitude of the place and its imposing appearance, she could at least be glad she was in the right place.

Looking around, however, she couldn’t find a digistruct module to fabricate a Runner. That meant walking, and her feet were already aching from both the journey and the tension she still held within herself from her hallucination. But walk she would; she wasn’t going to get this far just to turn back now.

What was most surprising was the lack of wildlife in these parts. Maybe it was the fact that this area was once riddled with mining machines that had scared them off long ago, and they had no interest in coming back. Or maybe the people of these Tetanus Heights had chased them off. Either way, Lilith was glad that the walk was a lot easier without the skags around nipping at her heels, or the rakks dive bombing her from above.

She should have brought some water with her, she realized. Should’ve taken some from off that convoy truck to keep at her hip. Inside, she was jumping headfirst into things without planning... just like she always did.

No backup to cover her mistakes, no one to lend her a helping hand if some part of this plan went south.

 _You’re better than them_ , a voice whispered in her ear, spurning her to walk faster. Yet, the words offered did nothing to fuel her confidence in the situation she was hurtling towards. And what was she without her self-assurance?

“Time to fake it ‘til I make it.”

* * *

 

Tetanus Heights definitely lived up to its name. A conglomeration of ramshackle buildings shoved into the face of a towering cliff. That left only one entry point, providing them with the best defence nature itself could offer. From a strategic standpoint, that also meant that there was nowhere to escape, if a rival was strong enough to break through their defences. Looking at the sheer size of the place, however, it was going to take a lot more than just a number of bandit camps coming together. It was going to take an army.

“Welcome to Tetanus Heights!” A cheerful voice met her at the gate with pamphlet dangling between stained and knobbly, bent fingers, the greeter smiling at her with missing and stained teeth. It was beyond bizarre to see someone smiling at her in such a manner that didn’t involve her being an appetizer on someone’s menu.

“Uhh... thanks...?” She plucked it from between his fingers and gave it a quick glance. It looked surprisingly professional, outside of the terrible spelling, and it listed everything within. Arena, shops, trade exchanges, betting pools…

“... what is this place?” A surprisingly cheerful crayon drawing of a happy skag wearing a bowtie was modeling a dress for one of the clothing stores.

“It’s... Tetanus Heights!” That manic grin cracked again, as if the name alone was enough to explain.

A hearty cheer from behind the closed gates interrupted her thoughts. It was probably better off heading inside instead of trying to prod more answers out of the greeter who only had one job, it seemed.

Lilith couldn’t help but gape at her surroundings. Neon lights, somewhat organized booths, streets that didn’t smell like piss and shit... How had she not heard of this place before?

“Best city you’ll find outside a stone’s throw of that infernal Bloodshot gang’s fort.” The large, booming voice from her left captured her attention. The tall man standing before her was portly, but not overly so. There was muscle hidden beneath all that weight, enough to challenge even Brick. In her mind, she could already imagine them being good friends.

Dark hair was cut neatly to the shape of his head, and the large ears sticking on out either side of his head bore plenty of earrings and chunks of metal, none of which looked even remotely rusty. Either this guy was good at finding the good stuff or he was stupidly rich for a bandit. He wore no shirt, save for a skag-skin vest that looked like it would need replacing soon. The collar was lined with sparse fur that could have been plush in its better days, and an array of random teeth hung from odd points on the rest of the skin. His plants were a simple brown, stained with a bit of mud from the streets, as were the plain black leather boots he wore. Not badly put together for someone living in the middle of nowhere.

“Benjamin,” he extended his hand, and Lilith spotted an assortment of metal bands around his fingers. What looked like ritualistic scars of a pattern of three dots ran around his wrist and spiraled up his arm as far as she could make out.

“Wait, Benjamin? Not... I don’t know, Pulsegrinder or Facechomper...?” she asked with a raised brow as she hesitantly placed her hand in his. Bandit naming conventions were what the Vault Hunters lived for, many a night spent drinking and laughing over the nonsense monikers their enemies had given themselves. Benjamin just seemed too normal by contrast.

“Oh, the others like to call me King BB, but I never became a fan of it. Just Benjamin will do.” His handshake was solid but not crushing, and Lilith could feel some of the worry unknotting itself from her stomach. It suddenly tightened again when suspicion sank its claws in.

“Why... are you here? You greet everyone that comes through your gates?” She was suddenly aware that he would have no reason to know who or what she was, given her state of dress and the fact that people weren’t crowding around here like she was used to.

“It’s kind of hard to miss someone with hair like that.” He nodded towards her shock of red hair, and leaned in as if he wanted to tell her a secret. “And I’ve been expecting you too.”

“Expecting me?” Her first thought was the wanted posters. Lilith: Siren. Bounty of $100,000,000,000 et cetera, et cetera. She could feel the heat bubbling beneath her skin, like hot ants itching to protect their nest from an impending threat.

“Adros spoke of you, bless his name.” Benjamin proceeded to make an X across his forehead with his finger before pressing his fists together and nodding.

Ah... not as sane as she originally believed. In one part, she felt comforted by the fact some deity had given him the news of her arrival and not some need to collect the bounty on her head. In another part, religious nutjobs were even more dangerous to deal with than a regular bandit. They had no problems making martyrs of themselves for the greater good, as long as they felt their tasks were accomplished in whoever’s name. She would just have to stay on her toes around him before he decided she was next in line to become some sacrifice for this “Adros.”

As pleasant as this conversation was, she needed to get down to business.

“Can you tell me where this Professor Heigl is? I heard they’ve got something I need, and I just wanted to...”

A previously barely perceptible sound started to grow louder, and it was only when it was above the din of the crowds that Lilith realized that it was coming from Benjamin. It grew in pitch with the flaring of his nostrils until he burst out into full-blown laughter, his head thrown back in mirth.

“Just as he said! You’ve come for my treasure!” He threw his hands open wide and embraced her in a bear hug, one slightly tainted with the stink of sweat and extremely cheap cologne. The smell stung the back of her throat, and she had to stifle the resulting cough in case they offended him. Best to stay on his good side.

“All has been foretold. Come, come. I will take you on the path to her.” His large arm curled around her shoulder as he guided her through the town and towards the cliffs. She could see that the caves went in deep, deep enough that an entirely different section of this place resided within. The faint orange glow of firelight spilled across the cave walls, and as the din of the market crowds faded behind them, a new uproar engulfed her senses. This wasn’t the idle chatter of people engaging in bargains and negotiations, this was the heavy, violent yell of an appeased crowd, one that struck new fear into her chest.

“I... don’t think she’s this way.”

“Nonsense. The only way to get to her is through here. She does enjoy her secrets, being one herself. My treasure.”

Lilith didn’t like the sound of that one bit.

Down in the cool caves she went, where she was greeted with louder cheering and the sounds of frustrated yells. The path seemed to wind back and forth aimlessly, but it gave her a spectacular view of the arena down below. The large seating area that encircled the ring seemed to hold roughly 200 people, if not more, and in the centre were two forms, going at each other with weapons and fists in an attempt to best the other.

“I’m not cruel, but you can’t get everything you want for free. Those men tried to steal from a few vendors a few days ago, and neither of them would give the other up. So now they have to fight for their freedom.” Benjamin gestured towards the combat with a flippant turning of his hand.

“Lemme guess. The loser dies?”

“Oh, no. He’ll have to work for the man he tried to steal from. I’m not stupid enough to kill for no reason. That’s not what the people are about.”

“... you know we’re on Pandora, right?”

That roused a slight chuckle out of him, but he shook his head in disbelief.

“The system that brought them here failed them. Left to run amok, without purpose, what you see beyond these walls is what happens. I give them a purpose, a means to better their lives that doesn’t involve robbing or murdering people for some meager gain.”

It almost sounded like a utopia. A weird, fucked-up utopia that still had problems in the works, but one nonetheless.

“And just like you, you can’t get what you want for free. So you’re going to have to work for it.” He continued to lead her past the crowds towards the inner area of the arena, where it smelled less of stink and more of… what _was_ that smell?

“I have money.”

“You couldn’t pay me for her, the professor. She’s much too valuable for you to just take.”

“I’m not taking her away. I just want to talk to her.”

“Hmm.” A cocked eyebrow spelled disbelief. “You should at least see where you’ll be staying.”

“Staying. Pretty sure there were plenty of hotels back there…” Lilith started to backpedal, but he caught her by the wrist.

“No, those aren’t worthy of you. Adros wouldn’t allow it.”

A metal sound grabbed her attention, and when she looked down, she found an intricate bracelet around her wrist. It didn’t look very fancy - just a metal cuff studded with black rubber pieces - but she wasn’t about to trust some random stranger to having any good intentions, especially with the symbolism of his gesture.

It made her feel like a prisoner, and she wanted no part of that. She could fight her way past this asshole, grab what she wanted and get out of here. Only when she tried to wrap her hands in flames, the world before her went black and spun out of her vision as she fainted.

* * *

 

When she came to, she was surrounded by stark metal walls, in a room big enough to house her, Roland, Brick and Mordecai, along with all of their stuff, and still have room for more. A bed sat along one wall, and there was a makeshift shower in the corner that was really just a pipe sticking out of the wall with a thin plastic curtain separating it from the rest of the room. A running toilet was there too, but not much else. For a room of this size, it left Lilith feeling extremely small.

She didn’t get long to marvel on the room, however, before nausea kicked her in the teeth, and sent her sprinting for the toilet. Bile filled her throat and coated her tongue, forced her to cough against the sting of acid. She didn’t remember what the last thing she ate was, but whatever it was was completely indiscernible now. She quickly flushed before her vomit could pervade her senses even further.

Huh. Clean running water. A first, for a place being in the middle of nowhere.

Standing up didn’t make the nausea any better, so she settled for the bed. Exhaustion quickly took her as she sank into the comforts of the soft mattress, leaving her to ponder on how she’s gotten here in the first place.

Benjamin. The bracelet. The arena. She must have overshot herself again, pushed herself too far without any reserves to pull from. That one piece of eridium she’d taken before coming out here hadn’t been enough.

She could already hear Roland bitching in her ear about being better prepared, planning for the long haul instead of the immediate future. That was how you stayed alive, he’d say.

Lilith pulled the pillow over her head and groaned into it.

She wasn’t sure how long she slept, nor could she really tell the difference with the constant lighting in this place, but there was a knocking on the door that roused her to waking. The third and final knock caused the small window in the door to slide open, and a pair of dark eyes stared back at her. A lower panel at waist-level slid open as well.

“Your meal.”

Lilith glared at her “keeper” beneath hooded brows, the red edging in at the corners of her eyes. Despite the accommodations - the air was cool and clean, the bed was softer than she’d ever laid on, and she was afforded a source of clean water to shower with - she found nothing pleasant about this place. They could dress it up in any way they wanted, but it still amounted to a prison cell. The bars said as much, as did the sounds of footsteps she assumed belonged to patrolling guards.

She scoffed as she pulled herself to her feet, prepared for a plate of slop that looked and smelled like skag vomit, but was surprised to find an immaculate plate of fresh produce and well-cooked meat. Her stomach betrayed her and growled in yearning for the food; the guard smiled on hearing it.

“BB’s not dumb. He’s not going to expect you to fight if you’re all half-starved. From the sounds of it, I’ll give my compliments to the chef.” He nodded before continuing on his way, pushing the heavy metal cart in front of him. The squeaky wheels paused - he’d stopped at the next cell over - and then started again on the journey to get everyone fed.

Lilith tried to listen out for how far it went and how many times it stopped; she could hazard a guess as to how many of these idiots she’d had to fight for the next few days, as well as how big this place actually was. Weak and without her powers to rely on, finding the closest exit from these tunnels was paramount to her survival.

“Hey...”

The voice in the next cell over was female, lilted with an accent she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

“You doing okay over there? I noticed when they brought you in. You didn’t look so good.”

“What do you mean, I’m fine,” Lilith barked back as she picked up the slab of steak and ripped into it with her teeth. She knew this strategy well: make friends and then stab them in the back when they’re not looking. No one in this kind of place was ever going to play nice just because they could. Ulterior motives were what kept people alive around here.

“You were pale... and talking in your sleep.” The person was eating too, her voice slightly muffled with the presence of food in her mouth.

“Yeah, people do that.” She sucked the grease from her fingers, not wanting to waste a single drop of the fresh flavour.

“Then what’s a Siren doing in a place like this?”

Lilith paused in her devouring, the steak between her teeth and the grease pooling around them. The small windows in the doors didn’t exactly afford anyone the means to see everything that was going on outside their cells.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“It doesn’t take much to add two and two together. I saw how excited Benjamin was to make his way out to the gate to meet you.”

“Wait... you said-”

“All this Adros nonsense, it was easy to figure it out.”

“-you called him Benjamin-”

“And now that you’re here, I can finally-”

Lilith pounded on the metal wall, her fist leaving behind a spot of grease.

“Who the fuck are you?!”

Silence. Lilith pounded on the wall again.

“I’m exactly who you came here for.”


	3. Constrained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realizing she'd been thrown into the cell next to the very person she's been looking for, Lilith has to win her way into Benjamin's favour on meeting this scientist.

Lilith slid down the wall in shock. The person she’d been looking for, the person with the solution to all her problems, was only two feet thick of reinforced steel away. A simple phasewalk would solve that problem. She wasn’t going that far, nor did she have to maintain it for that long. Two seconds, tops.

She closed her eyes, thought about her matter and that of the air around her, of slipping between them until she was the ephemeral. She could feel herself leaking between the cracks when it suddenly all snapped back together and returned her to reality. It was like a punch to the gut, and she fell to the ground, clutching her stomach. It wasn’t the first time she’d failed a Phasewalk, but it had never hurt that much before. Of course, she’d been relying on eridium for so long, it had been awhile since she’d gone without it. Perhaps she was going to have to resort to baby steps to remember how to do it on her own instead of leaning on her source of addiction.

“Don’t bother trying. It won’t work, not with how sick you look.”

“Shut up, doc. I didn’t ask.” Lilith spat at the wall, and watched as it dribbled to the floor. So much for that plan. Might as well turn her frustration into something useful. “How’d you know I was a Siren?”

“I’ve been... reading up on them for a while.”

“For your research.”

“You could say that.”

“Came down here to find one of your own, then? To pick a Siren apart to see how they work?” Lilith felt the pain in her stomach subsiding, which made it easier to redirect her anger elsewhere.

“Quite the opposite. I didn’t come to Pandora looking for one of you. In fact, I wanted to get away from all that. My work was being used... not the way I wanted.” The woman almost sounded upset by this fact, but Lilith didn’t have an ounce of care for her situation.

“So good ol’ Benny keeps you for himself... for what? Shits and giggles?”

“I could’ve lived up there, like regular folk, but he had the feeling I was a flight risk. Only makes sense.”

“Only makes sense. Right. I call bullshit.” She finally sat up off the floor and pressed her hands to the walls. She wanted to give it another try.

“I wouldn’t do that.”

“How would you know what I’m doing exactly?”

Silence.

“Then at least tell me why I caught one of your goons bringing you eridium.”

More silence.

“Fine, don’t tell me anything. Plan A was to break you out of here and get my answers, but I think I’ll leave you here to rot instead, once I get what I came for.” Spite bubbled up and burned her throat; she was sick of being in the business of helping people, only be screwed over in the end. It just didn’t seem worth it.

* * *

 

Waking up in a place like this was a mixed blessing; it was the best sleep Lilith had had in ages, yet it wasn’t a day she wanted to wake up to. In a few hours, she would be dressed and prepped, then shoved out into the arena to fight, probably to her death. Just for a few minutes to talk with the woman over in the next cell. So close yet so far from her goal. She should have melted those walls to the ground, but she needed the eridium to do that. She was going to have to wait for a better time.

She ate her breakfast in silence, her attentions focused on how the rest of the day would play out. Get in, fight, win. Lick her wounds and prepare for the next one in two days. She was honestly surprised that Benjamin would stagger her fights like this, but as the guard had said, he wasn’t an idiot. He wanted his fighters to do their best, with only the worthy and truly skilled ending up at the top. No handicaps, no reasons for any of them to be at their worst. That was definitely admirable in her book, despite the road she was forced onto to claim her prize.

A single bell rang once she was finished eating, signalling her time to get ready though she did nothing of the sort. An ordinary person would stretch, get some warm ups in before they were thrown into the proverbial lion’s den. But not her. All of her potential resided in her mind, and with the fitful night of sleep, it was more clear than it had ever been.

... maybe she didn’t want to be here after all. Not if she was going to have to go through this shit just to get her hands on a cure. She knew when she’d started this journey, it wasn’t going to be easy, but all of this was beyond what she’d expected.

The door opened, and she spied another across the hall and down to her left being opened as well. Out stepped a short figure clad in armour, a sword on her hip and a smaller knife peeking out from the top of her boot. Lilith smiled and gave her a wave, just to mess with her. Her opponent didn’t return the sentiment.

“What do they call that one?” she asked the guard that led her down the hall.

“They call her the gladiator,” he shrugged, and the shook of his head told her he thought the moniker ridiculous.

“Looks more like canned tuna if you ask me.”

He chuckled quietly behind his hand. The sound of clanging metal behind them inspired their laughter even further.

“So if we’re not fighting to the death, how does all of this work, really?” Lilith elbowed the guard in the side, only realizing too late that he might have taken the gesture as an attack and shot her in the stomach. Thankfully, he was more lighthearted than that, and returned an elbow prodding of his own.

“You two fight ‘til someone drops and you take the bracelet off their arm.”

Lilith waited; there had to be more to it, right?

“That’s it?”

“That’s it,” he parroted, and adjust the aim on his rifle. Maliwan, from the looks of it.

“Huh. You ever see people lose their bracelets at the same time... uh, what do I call you?” She’d never heard his name, nor did he have a name tag to answer her question for her.

“Once. BB let them both go, said they both won fair and square.” The rest of her inquiry he ignored.

“Sounds pretty benevolent.”

“He is. You’re not gonna find another guy like him anywhere.”

“You definitely got that right.” She hid her eyeroll behind an attempt to fix her hair, wondering just how many people in the Heights accepted Benjamin’s teachings and methodology as scripture, and which ones were just glad to have a proverbial roof over their heads.

The guard stopped, his gun held out to stop her from continuing.

“Wait ‘til he calls you.”

Lilith scowled to herself, shifting her weight to one leg with her arms crossed over her chest. She could make her own flashy entrance, thank you very much. She didn’t need some jagoff presenting her to the people. But she did as she was told, not wanting to make her situation any worse. After all, she still didn’t know what this stupid bracelet did.

“And tonight for you, we have a lovely treat! All the way from the other side of Pandora, a fiery-spirited woman who’d melt the flesh from your bones sooner than she’d melt your heart! An unpredictable element in the current runnings, a surefire contender to quickly climb the ladders! Adros saw it fit to bless us on tonight of all nights, so without further ado, I present to you the amazing, the eloquent, the fashionable red-haired vixen: Vatra the Unquenchable!”

Lilith was ready to correct the name, finding it a poor choice, when she realized she hadn’t given her real one. A small blessing in disguise; hiding herself as a Siren was never easy, but if no one knew her real name, it would be easier to stay hidden once she was out of here. Sanctuary didn’t need any of her personal troubles coming along and stirring up more shit.

She walked out of the tunnel with her fists pumping the air, the arena bursting with cheers and screams from the crowd. She noticed a few drawing X marks on their foreheads with their fingers before dropping to their knees - more of his insane worshippers - and was comforted by the fact that her audience was filled with their ilk.

As she took up centre stage, the announcer continued with his introduction of her opponent, the metal-clad body standing by the tunnel entrance.

“And you all know her by heart. The undefeated, unmerciful, reigning champion for the past five months running, your favourite and mine, The Gladiator!”

Despite the deafening uproar that broke out, the armoured woman did nothing to appease the crowd with her entrance. No waves, no fancy spins or moves. From the looks of her, she was here for business and business only.

Great, Lilith thought, someone with a stick up their ass. She wasn’t going to be able to toy much with this one, not if this gladiator had maintained her streak for so long. And what crime had she committed to continue to remain here?

Lilith didn’t get much of a chance to think on that, as the woman threw herself at her, her sword slicing through the air. It took all Lilith had not to be cut in half, and she didn’t want to use her phase too early and risk tiring herself out. Still, she couldn’t continue to dodge forever, and she hadn’t asked if she could have been provided with a weapon. She just needed to find an opening in her attack and twist it in her favour.

The woman fought with a skill and grace that felt somewhat familiar to Lilith, though it seemed somewhat sluggish with all that armour on, like the gladiator was still getting used to having it on. Still, the woman managed to keep pace with her despite all of her dodging and weaving.

Seemed there was some benefit to sparring with Brick after all.

Her lack of counterattacks was starting to bore the audience, however, and she could hear them booing under the swish of the sword as it passed over her head. Never one to disappoint her onlookers, Lilith finally decided to give them something to cheer for, and caught the flats of the sword between her two hands. A risky move that she’d only ever accomplished once under Mordecai’s keen eye and instruction.

“You think all that metal will save you?” Lilith jeered, though she knew she couldn’t match the gladiator in strength. She seemed classically trained with the sword, wielding it as if it were a second limb.

She felt the cauldron bubbling within, ready to finally spill over now that she’d had her fun. Save it for when you need it, she’d told herself, especially in desperate situations like these. Blowing off everything in one go would only leave her defenceless, and she was determined to be the victor in this fight.

Lilith could read the hesitation in the woman’s posture - it seemed no one had ever pulled a stunt like this before - and drank it in like a fine wine. The orange glow from the Siren’s eyes washed over the dull, scratched helmet, and was soon drowned out by the light from the heated sword. Its length shrank and oozed and melted until there was nothing left to hold onto, the gladiator’s weapon reduced to a puddle on the ground.

But that wasn’t enough for Lilith. Stuck in hand-to-hand combat, she wasn’t going to stand a chance in a fistfight with all that armour on. With no sword left, Lilith’s hands sought out the helmet instead.

“Science 101, bitch. Metal’s a great conductor.” The light in her eyes grew in intensity, as did the heat that surrounded her, until the armour-clad woman dropped to her knees and pried at her helmet, determined to get it off before her face burned away. Lilith could already smell the stink of singed hair pouring out from between the eye slats of the helmet. Not her problem.

But instead of a look of defeat and the face of a woman desperate to get out of here, she found a resolved stare, wrapped in a glistening fabric that continued to hide the woman’s identity.

“Want to try again?” The woman taunted, her hands empty of any weapon to protect herself with. Not much of a challenge for a Siren, but Lilith would take it. That would make this so much easier. With a smirk, she blinked out of existence, and took her time making her way behind the woman. She looked prepared for anything, as if she’d been in this situation before, and Lilith gave her credit for being so well-trained. Too bad it wouldn’t do her any good, facing a being like herself, wrapped in the paranormal.

A quick tap on the gladiator’s shoulder before she blinked back into existence, blanketing the area in a short burst of flames.

Only the fire washed over the woman like water off a duck’s back, leaving her unscathed.

That... wasn’t supposed to happen.

The woman ran a finger across the edge of her face-covering and flicked it at the Siren; it twisted with her hidden smirk. It was wet and gel-like as it landed on the Siren’s face. Some sort of protective substance that kept Lilith’s flames away.

Smart. Lilith smiled in return, glad of a real challenge for once.

The gladiator continued to bob and weave, dodging the punches Lilith was throwing her way. It was easy, given her obvious training and how light she was on her feet. Lilith, on the other hand, was feeling winded after that burst, and knew she wouldn’t have long before she’d succumb to exhaustion once more. If she could just get a grip on her, burn the rest of her armour off, this would all be over in a second.

But the woman’s dodging had a purpose, and she eventually returned to the slab of molten metal, now already cool and easier to pick up. With no sword at the gladiator’s disposal, she was going to have to use what was left of it at her disposal. She tested the weight of in her hand, modified her grip, and gave it a good chuck at the Siren. It sailed for a good distance before its lopsided shape sent it careening off to the right, missing its target completely.

A curse was muffled by the face-covering, but Lilith didn’t need to be nearby to make it out.

“Might wanna work on that arm, sugar.” She dragged out the last syllable in her best imitation of Moxxi before her fist found root in the other’s face, the gel substance causing most of her punch to slide right off her opponent’s head. Even with the ineffective punch, the cheers from the crowd spurred her on further, and another swing connected with the woman’s jaw. The gladiator grunted with the force, but refused to go down. She was a lot tougher than she looked, despite their obvious height difference. Digging in her heels, she ducked below the next punch and threw an uppercut that should have connected with Lilith’s chin, but the smaller burst of purple light sent the swing right through the Siren’s molecules.

A smirk was the last thing the woman saw before Lilith’s forehead connected with the bridge of her nose. She dropped like a stone in the armour she wore, her chest heaving with exertion.

The crowd erupted in cheering and shouts as Lilith pumped her fist into the air. She could see why some people wanted to get into this kind of life, being adored by the crowd and doing nothing but displaying their skills for all to see, and getting paid to do it. The added incentive of getting her answers and a solution made this all the richer.

“No hard feelings, right?” Lilith leaned over the unconscious woman and waited for the usher or referee or whatever to unlock the bracelet from her wrist so that she could claim it. One down... however many more to go.

She raised her prize over her head, and the crowd screamed once more in victory.

Despite her exhaustion, Lilith felt more alive than she ever had in a while. The thrill of a challenging opponent, not having to babysit anyone but herself anymore… the danger of it all spiked her adrenaline, and she couldn’t help her grin as she was escorted back to the holding cells. She hadn’t even noticed that the guards had walked her right past her own towards the end of the corridor where a row of showers stood.

“You’ve got 15 minutes. Try not to use up all the hot water,” the guard from earlier said, as he pressed a clean towel and a bar of soap into her hands.

 _Like that was a problem she ever faced_.

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d bathed herself in water that wasn’t slightly tinged brown or smelled like rust. Not to mention having to share it with three other guys. It was a small slice of heaven, and she could understand a little better why the people seemed happy here, even the ones shoved down here.

With the rest of her clothes removed, she tried to have a go at removing the bracelet, and found it stuck fast to her wrist. Oh well, not her problem if it got ruined, and it was likely made from stern enough stuff to withstand some water and soap.

She felt lighter once she was done, her skin tingling with a fresh cleanness she hadn’t felt in a long time. Even her wet hair felt soft against the back of her neck, and she contemplated whether she should choose to stay here instead of heading back to Sanctuary. The only thing waiting there for her were more barked orders and being a “servant of the people.”

She quickly cast the thought aside, not wanting her good mood to be ruined, as she plopped herself onto her cot.

“From the sounds of the crowd outside, it sounds like you were victorious. They just carried the gladiator back to her cell a few minutes ago.”

Lilith had forgotten about her neighbour, her curiousity piqued once more. She could have chanced a peek through the door slot if she hadn’t been riding her high of victory.

“What can I say, you don’t mess with a Siren,” she boasted, her arms folded behind her head as she rolled over onto her back.


	4. Running on Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaining an audience with the scientist isn't as easy as Lilith expected. Soon, she learns some of the truth as to what Benjamin is really up to.

_I am not and will never be you. You’re a monster._

That face, all porcelain-white with black, empty eyes staring back at her. It clicked and hissed, its unnaturally long fingers reaching for her. Instead of recoiling, she grabbed its hand and squeezed as hard as she could. She’d faced their kind before, put them down easily with the help of her friends. Here in the dark by herself, however, there was no room for mistakes… nor fear.

 _You’re a monster_.

Even with its fingers crushed, the Guardian didn’t scream, didn’t even flinch. And that left Lilith unsatisfied. She dug her fingers into the edges of the “mask” and started prying it off, the sound wet and sickening in her ears.

 _Monster_.

Purple splurted around the edges, oozed down her fingers, and she could taste it through her skin, acidic and sour. Burning. And beautiful.

 _Monster_!

Lilith woke with a start, her heart shaking her ribcage like a trapped rabid skag. She thought these nightmares would have been done away with, now that she was in a better place, but they had nothing to do with her stress levels, and everything to do with the element she’d tied her life to.

Sitting up, she already found a plate of still-steaming food waiting for her, preparing her for the day ahead. But part of her felt like something was missing. This was no yearning for eridium - there were no headaches and even the fever dream she’d had hadn’t been that bad - yet it was difficult for her to ignore the void that was gnawing at her insides.

Roland and the others… they were both annoying and a godsend at the same time. Being around people had smoothed out her edges without her even knowing, made her somewhat approachable instead of the untamed force of nature she felt she was, presented herself as. Maybe that’s what… _who_ she was missing...

Unfortunately, the knock to her cell door told her that there would have to be time for that later. Right now, she had a fight to win.

* * *

 

“Make sure you don’t kill this one.” The guard nudged her side with his elbow as he escorted her down the same path.

“Oh sure, I’ll keep that in mind because you asked so nicely,” Lilith replied with a roll of her eyes. “I didn’t kill your gladiator, did I?”

“No, but you left her in a pretty bad state. She wasn’t too happy about cutting off her hair.”

“Hey, not my problem. Comes with the territory of fighting someone who can wield fire.” She summoned a small spark to her finger, feeling renewed with the eridium coursing through her system.

The cheers were less than yesterday, the crowds more sparse. Lilith would have thought that with yesterday’s performance, the place would be packed. Instead, she was greeted to a mere smattering of his dedicated followers as they drew Xs over their foreheads.

She wanted to ask what the deal was with the weird gestures, but her “talking companion” was by back the tunnel, and he no longer seemed interested in talking.

“No problem, Lilith. Just warm up a bit before whoever gets here, you’ll be fine. You’ve seen worse.” She gave her legs a stretch, and was just about to get started on her back when she heard the sound of heavy footsteps echoing from the tunnel. With how loud it was, this person was going to have to be heavy-

 _Oh shit_.

Standing before her was… she couldn’t really make out what it was. There was a face, shrouded by the hood they wore, but the rest of their body was a mystery. The large cloak billowed around them, covered the rest of their unimaginably tall body. They moved unnaturally too, as if something was wrong with one side of their body.

No matter. Crippled or not, she wasn’t here to take pity on anyone. She had a prize to win, and if this person was the last thing left standing in her way, then so be it.

“Hope you got some tricks hidden under there, cuz this is gonna be quick,” Lilith jeered with a smirk, as she started to summon her flames to her and wrap them around her in a protective barrier, but her opponent was on her before she could breathe them into existence. It was only by instinct she managed to slip herself between the metal limb that came crashing down, leaving behind a small crater where she once stood.

Don’t hurt them too bad?! They were trying to kill her!

In her phasic state, she could see the small threads of energy pulsing in waves, weaving themselves from the human torso into… whatever was attached to the rest of their body. It was nothing but a mass of blackness, with thin threads coursing through them, like puppet strings. But she didn’t have the time to make sense of what they were. Just a few more seconds, and she could get behind them, prepare to attack, and then...

They spun around and stared pointedly at her before slowly starting to near.

They were guessing, she was telling herself, there was no way they could know where she was. Yet they continued to follow her with every move she made. Another tense flexing of the legs, and they were sprinting towards her again.

Common sense told her to run. Pride told her they would pass right through her.

Until she witnessed the blackness emerge into her realm, becoming whole, _visible and metal_ , in her phasic realm. No longer just threads of light, it looked as real, _and felt just as much_ as the fingers clamped down on her throat.

The pain of the metal fingers against her windpipe splintered her concentration and pulled her molecules back, the grip yanking her back into this reality. She clawed at the metal, tried to summon air to her lungs to fuel and fan her flames. She felt stupid for letting herself get caught so easily, and could already hear Roland’s chastising words in her ears.

_You have to look both ways, Lilith._

_We can’t always be your backup._

_Why do you never listen!?_

_I’m only yelling because I care._

Roland only cared in the ways he wanted, not the ways she needed, and that had left a rift between them that she didn’t know how to bridge. Roland was standoffish, awkward when it came to relationships outside of helping people. And she was the human embodiment of the element she wielded: dangerous, uncaring, a force to be reckoned with, and nothing to be tamed.

Except for now, of course.

Glancing down at her cybered opponent, she found a blank stare, covered over with stringy blonde hair that obviously hadn’t been washed in a while. The pale face was thin, angular, their human eye a cold blue that glowed from her supposed enhancements. Cold, uncaring, yes. But what Lilith _didn’t_ see was animosity nor the desire to kill.

“Yield,” Lilith heard whispered across the space between them, just before her ears started to clog from the adrenaline coursing through her. She tried to swallow past the fingers around her throat, found she couldn’t, and spat a wad of saliva at their face instead.

“Fuck you,” she hissed as she tried to summon her flames once more.

“So be it.” A fist found the spot under her ribs; with her diaphragm going into spasms and her air being cut off, it wasn’t long before the darkness at the edges of her vision claimed her as its own, and wrapped her in unconsciousness.

* * *

 

When she came to, she was back in a cell and on a bed, though the surroundings were not her own. Everything was mirrored… and she wasn’t alone. Someone was fiddling with her wrist, probably trying to get the damn bracelet off.

Expecting another fight, she sat up much too quickly and cried out at the pain that swelled across her ribs. The bruise was still fresh, and her skin felt hot under the bandages that had been wrapped around her torso.

“Nothing’s broken, I can assure you. But I do wish you’d listened instead of letting your pride get the better of you.” The woman drew away, her hands held up defensively. “But we have to get that off of you.”

That voice… hearing it through a wall made it different, but she should have recognized it earlier...

Professor Heigl. Lilith could see now why she’d been placed down here instead of somewhere nicer to match her importance. One metal prosthetic leg, a shoulder, and a metal sphere where her eye should be spoke volumes of what she’d been through. Pale blonde hair was pulled back into a ponytail, with a few stray strands sticking to her forehead. A single monocle rested on her nose, though they served no purpose for an eye that wasn’t there. Even with her title of professor, her body made her a worthy opponent.

“You’re staring,” the blonde woman said, hoping to break the Siren out of her trance. Lilith, however, had no words. She’d seen Pierce and her level of mechanical prosthetics… but the state of this woman was something else entirely.

“Say it,” Heigl encouraged as she stood from her seated position next to the cot. Her expression was placid, but the look in her good eye was excited, to put a word to it.

“You’re... a cyborg.”

“An android, to be exact,” she exhaled, glad that the air had finally been cleared between them. “But don’t get any ideas. I was like this before Benjamin found me.” She reached for Lilith’s wrist once more, but the Siren flinched. She wasn’t prepared to admit defeat just yet. She didn’t even know what they’d done with the gladiator after yesterday’s fight. Despite Benjamin’s reassuring words of the fights being “fair,” she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

“But he puts you to fight with the rest of them... why?” It didn’t make sense that Benjamin would put his most prized possession into the arena to risk being injured. Or worse.

“Like he keeps saying. Can’t get something for nothing. The eridium doesn’t come for free. I have to earn it.” Metal fingers unfurled from the fist to gesture at the room they were in. “I need to keep running studies, to figure out the next step, and how I can stop it. Come. Your hand.”

“The next step of what?” Still, she hugged her the device to her chest; she wasn’t about to turn it over just because she asked nicely.

“Siren evolution. It's no secret - well, not to me anyway - that there's a connection between your kind and the Vaults. You hear it, something calling to you, making you more powerful than you should be. You’ll lose yourself eventually if you keep giving in to it.”

“How do you know all of this?!”

Heigl adjusted the singular, cracked eyepiece with a wan smile.

“It’s how I ended up like this. The man I worked for? He doesn’t want to wait for Vaults to open on their own, and he has the means to force them open himself. It’s what he wanted me to work on, the means to control the source. I knew once he had what he wanted, there would be no reason to keep me around. No one wants that kind of competition.”

“So he tried to have you killed.”

“Oh, he succeeded!” She sounded surprisingly cheerful about the whole thing. “What he didn’t expect is that I’d have a backup system in place in case he did. An android with enough of my DNA to get past the sequencing encryptions on my data to access them, continue my work, and to serve as my data storage. You have no idea how many cabinets of files I had to burn just to get rid of everything.”

“So all that stuff you were doing before... knowing what I was doing before I did it...?” Lilith sat up and ran her hand through her hair, sending another ripple of pain through her ribs.

“Internal sensors. I programmed the means to find eridium easily on this planet, for that asshole. The stuff in your blood, it’s still there, and I could... ‘feel’ when you were about to use your powers. It’s how I was able to track your movements, even while you were… “in the other place.””

“... huh. Talk about handy…” As Lilith tried to stand, she had to catch herself as the room beneath her started to spin. The emptiness returned; with the adrenaline gone, it was hungrier than ever, and it took all she had not to throw up on the floor. Heigl caught her by the arm and helped her to her feet.

“... what’s wrong with me? I should be fine by now…” She sank to the cot instead, even after the doctor’s help. Her legs just didn’t want to cooperate.

“You _should_ feel better, not having to depend on that stuff,” Heigl replied quickly, almost dismissively as she started to fumble with the bracelet again. Her avoidance put Lilith on edge, that she was leaving something out, and before the doctor could her fingers under the studded leather bracelet, Lilith had her to the floor, the collar of her coat balled up in her fist.

“I dunno, doc. I feel pretty good setting your face on fire too. Now I don’t know how much of you in there’s still metal, but I’m pretty sure some of it’ll still hurt like heck. Wanna try a few experiments with me?” A bluff on her part; she had nothing to work with, but Heigl didn’t have to know that.

Still, Heigl showed no fear and simply adjusted her monocle once more. She’d died once before; the death of a metal body meant nothing to her.

“That _thing_ is a product of my work, Benjamin’s twisted version of what that Hyperion madman wanted me to do. It was made specifically _for_ Sirens, but try telling that to him. No, once he managed to squirrel my research out of me, he turned it into some… insane tool, something about a rite of passage, or whatever mystic bullshit comes to him at the time. A Siren alone would have given him nothing, he would have had your blood, and nothing else. But with the eridium… it’s like a catalyst, absorbing everything around it and multiplying it tenfold. Possibly a hundred. You’ve already felt that, what it does inside you. It gives you unimaginable powers, beyond those of what you’re capable of, but it comes at a price.”

“The addiction.” Lilith loosened her grip and sat back on the floor; if this woman was her real and only chance at a cure, then roughing her up wouldn’t get her any closer to it.

“No, more than that. It’s a... twisting of what you are, how you were made, into something else. What that is, I don’t know. That’s what I was trying to figure out, _am_ trying to figure out right now. I was hoping to get to you first, see if I could figure things out before he start touting you around as some kind of champion.” Heigl slowly got to her feet and adjusted the edges of her lab coat, sneering down at the Siren’s arrogance.

“Goddess,” Lilith corrected a little too proudly. “Some nonsense about Adros.”

“Whatever, point is that thing around your wrist is not some prize to be stripped off by your successor. It’s taking samples of your blood and storing it. And when you go to sleep at night, he comes and takes it. He’s been dosing himself with _you_. That’s why that stupid thing is still on you. He won’t let me take it off.”

All those pinprick marks along his arms and across his chest… those weren’t tribal markings at all… How many of these stupid things… How many people had he put through this? Benjamin’s plans for her weren’t as altruistic as he’d wanted her to believe.

“But hopefully, since it’s been a few days since your last dose of it, we might be able to stop him getting more of it. It thins out, weans itself out of your blood eventually. That takes months, but that’s better than him having full potency of the stuff. Which means _you_ need to give up this habit of yours.”

Give it up? It wasn’t as if she hadn’t been trying. There was just… so much more freedom that came with the use of eridium, the power that coursed through her. It made her untouchable, and that was an addiction all of its own.

“Do this, and I’ll help you figure out everything there is to know about Sirens.”

Lilith looked up from her feet, surprised that Heigl would still offer exactly what she came for, despite the circumstances of their meeting.

“I’ll help you fight through these cravings. Trust me.”

Lilith wanted to slap the offered hand away - she didn’t need anyone! - but stuck in this place, there was only so much she could do on her own.

_It’s about time you let someone in, Lil._

“... yeah, alright. Just tell me what to do.”


	5. Supernova

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith and Benjamin butt heads, and he soon learns what it really means to be a Siren, at the cost of Lilith's answers.

The plan was simple: continue their fights so that Heigl could receive her “salary” of eridium from Benjamin, and they would pretend as if Lilith was part of her study, receiving doses of the mineral to keep her in fighting form as well as fueling Benjamin’s plan. But it was difficult for her to ignore the stash of packages in the corner; she could practically smell the acrid stench from across the room, and its presence alone crumbled her resolve to get through this. They just needed to weaken her blood long enough for Benjamin to question what was going on and make an appearance. That was when she’d show him what happened when you tried to put reins on a Siren. She just had to hold out that long.

An agonizing week had passed, though to Lilith, it had felt like a month. Thankfully, the only fights she had now were in the evenings against Heigl, who still chose to don that ridiculous disguise even though it was no longer necessary. They were for more ritualistic purposes than for a crowd, as Benjamin’s followers were the only ones to attend.

And afterwards, they would sit in contemplation, with the good doctor coaching her through breathing exercises, diverting the Siren’s thoughts away from the dark voices that called her. Yet, though she felt lighter and lighter every day without her use of eridium, the void within her only grew more hungry to the point of aching.

Many a night, Heigl had had to stay up with her, clutching Lilith’s hand as she screamed into a pillow. The pain was excruciating, and it took all of her energy not to cry. The food and the showers… that only dulled the pain for awhile, and it was worse after their fights in the arena, pretending to be juiced up when she really wasn’t. And then the packaged element would sit there, silently mocking her.

But Heigl wouldn’t let her give in, not even after Lilith had stabbed a fork between the joints of her metal finger, almost wrenching it off in the process. Not even after all the horrible names and swears she’d had slung in her face. This was for the better, she kept telling the Siren, it was only going to be for a few more days. 

“Why don’t you tell me about your friends back home?” Heigl encouraged, in another of her attempts to keep the Siren distracted from the pain.

“Why the fuck do you want to know about them!?” Lilith cursed through gritted teeth.

“You prefer I ask you how you’re feeling? That much is obvious.”

“... these three guys… one of ‘em acts like he’s top shit. Kinda is, too. Never seen such a good shot before in my life. ‘N th’big one… temper like a rabid skag on a hot day with the shits. But under all that yelling’s a guy who cares. Always wondered if we’d ever find his sister. Roland’s…”

What could she say about Roland that didn’t amount to “blowhard with a stick up his ass”? The others seemed to fall in line when he barked orders, and those he’d saved from New Haven had looked to him as a leader with Pierce gone. He’d fallen easily into the role too, without question or hesitation. It came naturally to him… and it suited him well, too.

“What are you doing?”

Lilith hadn’t heard that voice in forever, and she looked up to see the large pair of dark eyes peering at her through the slot in the door. Benjamin had finally decided to make an appearance.

“What you told me to do,” Heigl replied, her grip on the Siren’s hand relented.

Lilith’s gaze shifted between them, trying to make sense of what was going on.

“I told you to get information, not become friends with her.” She could hear Benjamin sigh, and a loud buzzer sounded overhead. “You might want to move.”

Heigl glanced over, shook her head quickly, and stood up. The rattling of metal from overhead drew their attention up, just in time to see a wall of metal bars descending. They settled to the ground with a thunk before the door to the cell opened.

Lilith couldn’t believe what what she was hearing, couldn’t believe that she’d fallen for the easiest trick in the book. If it’s too good to be true, as they say. But she wasn’t about to let this bump in the road get her down. If going back on her word, on all the promises she’d made to get better, meant that she could get out of here, then what choice did she really have?

“This isn’t what it looks like,” she whispered, hoping that her words remained out of the earshot of the approaching bandit king. She continued to back away, Lilith noticed, until she stumbled into the prize she’d been yearning for for the better part of a week. Perhaps the doctor could be trusted after all… depending on what she did next.

“Ah, my sweet goddess, Adros be praised.” Benjamin stood before the bars, his large, thick fingers curling around them like a hungry man staring down at a buffet. “You’re not looking too well. I was assured by the good doctor that it’s merely a setback from her tests, figuring out what you are, and how I can take advantage of that.”

“Has she? What can I say, the food down here’s not that great. Maybe I caught something. You know, one of those bugs going around. It happens when you don’t get a lot of fresh air.” Lilith decided to play along with the doctor’s lie, to weigh her interests on the side of having a possible ally than alienating herself and having to fight two foes on two different fronts instead. “How about you come in here and give me some of Adros’ blessing?”

Benjamin’s head cocked to one side, his smile becoming devious as he contemplated her words.

“You’re not a believer. I can see it in your eyes, and you’re not going to fool me. Not when you’re about to be a sacrifice.”

“... I’m pretty sure goddesses are the ones you’re supposed to sacrifice  _ to _ , not the other way around.”

“What do you know of Adros’ ways? Hm? Are you proposing to speak on his behalf,  _ to me _ ? Worthy as you are to be in his presence, you are a means to his betterment. Nothing more.” From behind his back, he brought out a long metal device that buzzed and zapped at the end. “Now are you going to cooperate, or will I have to make you?”

Lilith’s defiant stare spoke for her, and she soon felt the electricity coursing through her body, made her limbs rigid and twitch. It forced the emptiness to grow, and without her control, her undigested meal spilled out of her mouth and onto the floor.

“That’s no way for a goddess to conduct herself,” Benjamin jeered as he turned the device over and over in his hand.

“I would advise you to stop that. In her state, you’ll kill her.”

Lilith saw the edges of Heigl’s lab coat finally come into view, then eventually her face as she stopped by the bars. Her look was a mixed bag of emotions, but apologetic was the first Lilith picked up on. You could have stepped in sooner, she wanted to say, but all she could manage was a wet cough as she tried to rid her mouth of the taste of bile.

“Pull the bars up.”

“No can do, doctor. You see, I don’t think you’ve been very forthcoming with her either. Illness. Pah! You’re trying to keep me from my destiny, especially when I’m so close.”

The device sounded again, and Lilith heard the dull buzzing vibration of the shock running through metal.

A sizable chunk of eridium rolled towards her, stopping just in the puddle of her mess. The edges were rough, but still gleamed in the dim lighting overhead. The lights that danced within were always mesmerizing.

“If you do this, you’re destroying everything good you’ve done. The progress you’ve made,” Heigl whispered, her voice distorted as the electricity started to rip apart the circuitry throughout her body.

“This is more important.” Lilith slapped her hand onto the wet, skull-sized chunk of purple rock and felt the void within her begin to knot itself back together. The hunger was dying, instead engorging itself on what it had been yearning for for so long. It felt good. Right.

Heat engulfed the room with the flash of hot white fire that followed, and Heigl almost screamed in response, save for the air that had been sucked right out of her lungs. The heat baked her skin, left her covered in blisters that exposed more of her metal structure underneath. The Siren was too bright to look at, but her screams echoed all around them amidst the hissing and pops of the fire that filled the place

No, not screams.

_ Laughter. _

Lilith cackled in delight at the sudden surge of power, allowed her mind to be absorbed and consumed by it. This would save her, and she would go along willingly until she was free from this place. Or possibly dead at the end, as long as she took out as many of those in her path as possible. She wasn’t going to let anyone manipulate her ever again.

“Lilith, be careful,” Heigl yelled above the flames as she readjusted the monocle higher atop her nose.

“No need for being careful. I’m a one way disaster train and I aim for destruction.” Lilith displayed a fist wrapped in flames, a cocky smirk on her face as she snuffed it out just as quickly.

“By yourself. Without your friends-”

“I don’t need them,” she snarled, the waves of heat radiating off her like an oven-baked stone. But Heigl knew it was only a display; she had very little left to go on, definitely not enough to continue through with her threat.

“That’s what you enjoy telling yourself, isn’t it? That you’re all alone in this. That they don’t understand you, what you go through. That they can’t help you find the answers you’re looking for. Well, guess what? Neither can I. So you can either die here with a bunch of nobodies, or get back to people that give a shit about you.” Heigl tossed her two more fist-sized rocks from her pocket. They melted and disappeared in a puff of dust before they even reached her hands, the heat from her flames sublimating them instantly. But the effect was just the same, and she felt her tattoos respond in kind, their blue glow wrapped in the tendrils of purple light.

Lilith hated how right she was, hated even more the fact that she’d cast them aside for her own pursuits. She thought that’s what they’d all silently agreed on: don’t get attached; just do the job, and go their own way once it was done. The Vault was open... yet still here they were, watching each other’s backs like they were...  _ friends _ .

_ Shit. _

“Come, Siren! Show me what you’re really made of! It’s time for your final fight!” Benjamin beckoned her forward with a heavy hand, stepping away from the bars to give her enough room.

“Don’t.” Heigl’s attention was refocused on the Siren standing before her, but her warning was too late; the Siren’s eyes sparked with yellow light as she latched onto the bait.

“Bad move, doc. Worst thing you can do is tell a Siren what to do.” Lilith licked the dryness from her lips as she embraced the mineral’s call. She gave in to her desires, melted a hole through the very bars, and stepped over the melted puddle of slag. But Benjamin didn’t recoil - she didn’t expect him to either - and only smiled in return as he held his arms out to embrace her.

“Is this better, Benny boy? Is this how a real goddess conducts herself?” Lilith was a smoldering black shadow in the midst of her fire, save for the cruel hot glow that poured from her eyes and mouth as she spoke. The sound Lilith made was akin to a forest fire, killing everything in its path, both dead and alive, plant and animal. An unstoppable force with nothing in her path to slow her down.

Instead of fear, however, Benjamin shoved the professor to one side and dropped to his knees in abject worship of the sight before him, his eyes full of tears.

“This is what I’ve been waiting for! Adros be praised, what a sight!” He gazed up at the heavens before his eyes locked with hers, and what she saw there caused her flames to waver in disbelief. A glow from his pupils, golden and warm, as were the small pinpricks of scars that ran up his arms and vanished beneath the sleeve of his vest.

“You think you were chosen because you were strong? No, you were just the most useful to me.” Benjamin licked his thumb, and steam billowed out from the vanishing moisture. “I am everything you are and more. You’re not the first for me to take, and you won’t be the last. That thing on your wrist? You think it’s some symbol of everyone here who fights in the pits. But it’s something so much more than that.” His gaze shifted from Lilith to the doctor on the other side of the room, and his smile grew even more.

“This thing, it keeps people like you tame, so to speak. Drains you of any chance to use those powers of yours, sucks it right out of you like a leech to a wound. And oh, how gaping that wound of yours is. And I’ll have to thank you for tainting your blood so much with all that ridrock. It just made it all the easier to adapt. Like a conduit, searching for all the right connections until they’re found.”

Lilith’s chuckles suddenly interrupted him, and confusion wrapped his face.

“You think your good doctor hasn’t told me all of that already? All that talk, and the only thing I heard is that you need to get recharged, dick head. Which means what you gotta run out eventually. So, how’d you like to tango?”

“It’d be an honour, Siren.” Benjamin even bowed before he cast off his vest, revealing the array of “markings” that spread across his clavicles. He’d been doing this for a long time, taking what he wanted from people, normal and not-so-normal, just so he could rule above them all. He was no king. He was just another thief, climbing atop the bodies of all those below him to find his place in the world above them all.

To Lilith, that made him no different from all the other bandits she’d taken down.

A rush of heat surrounded him and his vest alighted before it even hit the ground, the threads burning until there was nothing left but ash. A signal to start the fight, one that came a second before Benjamin felt her fist connecting with his stomach. He recoiled from how strong it was, not expecting someone of her size to have so much force behind her swing.

Lilith smiled to herself, glad that this bandit king was either too stupid or too deluded to know what he was really facing. Someone with sense would have cowered in fear of facing a fully-powered Siren, especially one with nothing to lose. She’d come here and found none of the answers she’d been looking for, only more heartache, lies, and manipulation. When was all of it going to stop?

But Benjamin was surprisingly fast for his size, and Lilith soon found herself off the ground, her arm caught in his grasp and ready to throw her to the ground like a ragdoll. Even after watching her fights, Benjamin hadn’t learned a goddamned thing.

She popped between dimensions - it was second nature with this much power coursing through her - long enough to drink in the sight of his confused expression before she kicked him square in the face, sending him spinning back towards the wall. She heard the sound of his nose crunching against the metal, and smiled at the blood that ran down his face and into his mouth. He returned one in kind, the red dripping between his teeth.

With a yell, he belched flames at the Siren, filled the room with the very fire he’d stolen from her and was now using to reduce her to ashes. Lilith had to step back from his assault, and wrapped herself in her own flames to keep his away. Impressive, for a first-timer. But the physical aspect was only one part of being a Siren; summoning an offensive took more than just raw power. It took discipline, one which he didn’t mentally have.

“Was that supposed to impress me, Benny boy?” Orange light fused with purple as she disappeared before his eyes and reappeared in another part of the room. She was throwing him off, choosing random locations so that he couldn’t tell where her next attack was coming from. Her Phasewalk was the one thing she had that he could never hope to accomplish in just a day.

Another punch to the face, and flames poured out with it, burning an outline of her fist into his cheek. She smiled at the scent of burnt flesh, cackled at the sight of his reddened, melting flesh, guffawed at the scream of pain that erupted from the man who sought to control her. Her, a goddess amongst men, and he was just a fool playing some errand boy for a deity that didn’t exist. She was true, raw power. He, a pawn. He had no real hope of winning.

“Learning your first taste of failure, Benny? Or do you need me to drive it home further for you?” Wings of fire erupted from her back as she felt and heard the pops and hisses in her ears. This much eridium, and so pure at that... this was a small taste of heaven, and she was desperate for more.

“Beautiful! How wondrous!” Benjamin yelled above the flames, basking in the fire that erupted around both of them. His skin bubbled and blistered, but he remained mostly untouched from a majority of her fury, his own fire surrounding him. He was definitely a quick study.

The room erupted in flames as they exchanged blows, leaving Lilith completely unscathed. The room, however, suffered for their anger, as did Benjamin, but he was managing to keep his own and stay on top of her, despite the damage he’d taken. Perhaps it was his resilience, poor stubbornness, or his unwavering faith in his higher power, Lilith wondered, but whichever it was, it was starting to get on her nerves. She wasn’t sure how she was going to be able to bring him down in this battle of wits.

It was after he’d thrown her into the bars - which she melted right through - that she finally caught sight of Heigl once more, and the direction of her gaze. The box of untouched eridium. She hadn’t heard its tantalizing draw since the fight had started, nor did she feel the need for another hit, but an entirely different idea struck her. One that would hopefully twist this fight in her favour.

Her sweat-dampened hair hissed as she ran a hand through it, sliding up the wall to her feet. She was a Siren, made from different stuff than a normal human. Benjamin had been holding his own, she could admit, but he had more limitations than he gave himself credit for.

“You want to know where my true power comes from, Benjamin?” She nodded past him to the stack of boxes, stained with dark dust. “Why don’t you give it a try and stop using me as the middleman?”

Benjamin blinked in surprise as he wiped the sweat from his brow, and followed her gaze to the very thing he’d been providing.

“Of course... why hadn’t I thought of it before...” There was hesitation in his steps, questions running through his mind as to why she would be helping him like this. Still, he picked up one of the largest chunks he could lift and rolled it around between his fingers.

“I mean, you want us to be on a level playing field, right?” Lilith urged him on.

Tried as he might, however, he lacked her inherent ability to simply absorb it through his skin. He bruised his fingers and cut his palms along the edges, but it wouldn’t yield to him.

_ If you love something, give it away _ , the words whispered across her skin, and they cooled her flames as she watched the bandit king bring about his undoing.

The mineral had stained Ben’s fingers, however, leaving behind a dirty residue that flaked off at a mere touch. This he could work with, and he pressed his fingers to his lips for a taste. He spat at the acrid flavour and smeared it across his nostrils instead.

The look on his face, it was like the lights were being turned on inside his head.

_ For it will come back to you tenfold. _

The fire within erupted in a volatile reaction, the light shining out of his mouth and eyes. Delightful laughter at success were soon replaced with grunts and groans of discomfort, and then screams of agony. Ben clawed at his throat and nose, shut his eyes against the heat that was building up inside of him. sweat flooded from his shirtless body until he was drenched, his pants completely soaked.

_ Reap the rewards of your sacrifice. _

But Lilith had been gloating so much at her victory that she’d forgotten the professor was still in the room.

Furious, Benjamin sprinted across the room as the flesh and muscle started to cook themselves off his bones and threw himself at Heigl.

“No!” Lilith popped between dimensions and sprinted towards her reason for being here, her reason for enduring all that shit. And now she was going to lost it all for being so cocky.

_ Never did have you head screwed on straight, did you, Lil? _

_ Shut up, Roland. I do things my way, and following the rules isn’t one of them. _

_ That’s going to cost you eventually. _

_ Yeah, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. Don’t worry your pretty little head over me. _

A fireball named Benjamin erupted and engulfed the room, consuming everything nearby. Unphasing herself would only consume her as well, and she wasn’t the kind of sacrifice herself just for penance’s sake. She watched as the two shadowy figures slowly began to disintegrate in the fire, their screams barely perceptible in this other-place and the screams of the flames around them. If not for the loss of her purpose, Lilith would have remarked at how beautiful the energies of the fire looked, as if they were the birth of a galaxy itself. Instead, she could find nothing to celebrate, not when she’d endure all of this to walk away empty-handed.

Once the fires died, Lilith dropped to her knees near the stains that had been burned into the floor. No bones nor ash remained; not even the metal prosthetics of the doctor. They’d been melted and evaporated into the ether, along with the totality of her research. It was all gone, leaving Lilith with nothing. She didn’t know whether to be angry or mourn, but the tears came just the same, and sizzled out just as quickly when they came into contact with her skin.


	6. Nebula

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith comes to terms with what has happened, and returns to Sanctuary. But even without her answers, not everything is entirely hopeless.

Broken, sore, and defeated in her own mind, Lilith dragged herself out of the cell and into the hallway. It was easy enough to get the rest of the doors opened, especially with a few of the purified eridium rocks in her belt. With them, she felt a pure energy that ran through her, one that didn’t leave behind a dusty trail of ash and soot. They would last her a good long while, probably another two months or so, before she’d need more. If she’d ever need more. She hadn’t kicked her habit like she’d wanted, but this experience had taught her how to be more responsible and choosy with her fights.

The commotion that erupted around her as she left Tetanus Heights fell on her deaf ears. She was much too tired to care, and far too bitter to help them sort out the mess that had been left behind, both literally and figuratively. With no leader to keep them in check, the bandits were going to have to sort out their business on their own... and that meant resorting to old methods.

No skin off her back.

“Welcome to Tetanus Heights” was the last thing she heard as she passed the greeter by the gate, still with the same smile on his face, completely oblivious to everything that was taking place on the inside. He would soon enough, and she wondered if he would keep smiling that same smile, doing what he did best.

Going back the way she’d came was a blur, punctuated by the screams and howls of the planet’s fauna in the early hours of the morning. She stunk, she was tired, she was tender physically and emotionally… and she was alive. A good note, in her book, but she dreaded the repercussions she’d face on Roland’s discovery of her return. He’d fret like some mother hen, yell at her for not having her Echo… and that would be the end of that. In foresight and after what she’d been through… that honestly didn’t seem so bad.

As she stopped for a breather, a chilly wind picked up, telling her that she wasn’t too far from the Tundra, and the edges of a blue-green aurora were fading as the sun started to peek over the horizon. Ribbons of light shifted and swayed, not unlike the threads of life she saw in her other-place. How easily they could be snuffed out, how easily _she_ could let everything get out of control and be snuffed out with them. That’s not what she wanted for herself. Not when she had people who still gave a damn about her.

* * *

 

“Welcome back, Lil.” Mordecai gave her a two-fingered salute from his perch atop the wall, a cigarette dangling from his lip. He paused for a second, his head tilted to one side as she felt his eyes scanning her appearance. “Did something new with your hair?”

“Huh? What’s wrong with my hair?” Of all the things for him to point out, given how beaten, burned, and bruised she must have looked...

“It’s gone all... whoosh.” He gestured with splayed fingers to the side of his face, and she followed his gesturing. The ends of her hair were splayed to one side, sticking out as if they’d been teased that way and then gelled. Without a mirror, she wasn’t sure if it looked good or not.

“Yeah... I figured I needed a change,” she replied with a half-smile.

“I kinda like it. Brick’s turn to make chili tonight, you up for it?”

Brick wasn’t known for being the best cook, but after what she’d had, she could do with something more familiar. Something that reminded her of home.

“Sure. I’m famished. ... and Roland?”

“None o’my business, remember?” Mordecai held up his hands defensively, and Bloodwing came out of nowhere to land on his wrist. “You found what you were looking for out there?”

“Yeah... kinda.”

* * *

 

Heat had always been her thing, and even as she watched Brick fooling around with the stove to get the fire going, she knew that it would be a waste of energy to lend her flames. Showing off without purpose did nothing for anyone, and her pride could sit on the bench for a little while, until the next mission. For now, she just wanted to sit in the kitchen, laughing with her friends about nonsense, and keeping her secrets to herself.

“C’mon, Lil! You said you’d help!”

“Nuh uh, you’re on your own this time, big guy. The most I’ll do is help you cut onions.” Lilith shed her tattered jacket and looked for the nearest knife.

“Oh, good, cuz I ain’t doin’ ‘em.” Mordecai curled his lip in disgust and tossed his cigarette butt out the window.

“This’ the last time I cook for any of you!” Brick shook his ladle at them and sent droplets of soup across the room, right onto Tannis’ papers. The gesture was met with chuckles as Lilith started to work on the onion and Mordecai lit up another cigarette.

Being back in Sanctuary was like a far-off dream she was reliving, a deja-vu moment she wasn’t sure was real. But the sound of the people, the concrete beneath her feet, and the distant smell of deep-fried food coming from Moxxi’s rooted her in reality. This place would never be perfect, nor would it give her everything she was looking for, but it was better than nowhere. And a lot better than the mock-city that jerkoff had tried to build for himself. Here, no one wanted anything _from_ her. She was one of them, a survivor of New Haven and a saviour of the people in their times of crisis. To Roland, she helped to fill in the gaps in their defences that he couldn’t cover. She was a member of their team, a Crimson Raider through and through, and despite her pride, working with them had given her more than being on her own. Maybe she’d been a little ungrateful and hadn’t given any of them enough credit where it was due, but there was always time to change, right?

Lilith smiled despite the sad state of the soup and the argument that sparked between the berserker and the sniper. Because even though the food was shit, there was no clean hot water to shower with, the beds were hard, and there weren’t worshippers at her feet praising her existence, she could be herself. Roland’s rules, as she’d discovered the hard way, were designed to keep them all safe.

“Hey,” Roland whispered with a pleased smile as she made her way up to head to bed. He’d just woken up to start his late night shift, by her count, and met her halfway on the stairs. His scheduling was predictable, linear, unexciting, by her standards. But it was that foundation in place that kept her steady and gave her purpose.

Standing this close to him, however, she couldn’t help the feeling of heat that washed across her face. If only he knew how many of his words she’d carried with her over the past week and a half, how they came to her in her weakest moments. The gratitude overwhelmed her in that moment and she opened her mouth to tell him:

“Hey.”

“Like the hair.” He pulled on his cap and touched her arm in passing.

“Thanks. I...” The words died in her throat, her thoughts halted to a stop. There were no chastising remarks, no rebukes for her attitude or not listening to orders, no ghostly images of his face melting into a bony skull. It was all... normal.

“I need to talk to you about something.” She nodded up the stairs, feeling that wave of heat again. Only it wasn’t her powers, nor was it another symptom of withdrawal.

Normal felt _really_ good.


End file.
